Vests and Value

Over the last few days, through conversations, reading, and observing, I have began to see that so many of us give cheap worth and value to people. Specifically, as someone who classifies themselves as a "christian", I have begun to realize that sometimes, we have things a little backwards (and by little, I mean A LOT).
I've been extremely frustrated in my life recently. I know where I want to be and yet, I don't have the capacity or ability to be there yet. For a time, I thought that because I wasn't living the life that I know I need to, that I had no authority in talking about it. Mostly I'm talking about living amongst the forsaken, seeking out love and grace, and learning through interdependent living. It is hard for someone who comes from a middle-upper class, white, suburbia town and family, to speak of caring and loving for the poor, and to go further and challenge that we move our asses down there and be with them, many would see my life as hypocritical, at least in my view they would. I think a large part of me is fearful of what that live could be like and demand from me. I want to love, show compassion and grace, I really do, but I think I want to do it on my own terms. When you make a decision to move to a place of rejection, of abandonment, of forsakenness, and pain, you are making a decision to severely MESS UP your life. For right now, it is so easy to go, give my time, love, pour a cup of coffee, sit and listen to someone for an hour, but once 2 o'clock hits, I'm out. I can return back to the life of comfort, of no worries (really), besides what I need to make myself for lunch from my abundant fridge. It's crazy how fast you can switch back from a life of rawness, to a life emersed in filth, materialism, and superficial happiness. I've also realized how easy band-aid fixes are. For example, around Christmas time, I went through all my clothing and gave up a lot of stuff I had. I kept thinking of the quote from Dorthy Day, "if you have two coats, you've stolen one from the poor", and let me tell you, I had a number of coats. The hardest thing for me to do was give up all my vests (the puffy things that make you warm but so cool at the same time...or so I thought). I had approximately 5, meaning I was stealing from 4 other people. I don't say this to sound self-righteous, because in reality it's the exact opposite. I was so twisted in my thinking, I thought that in doing this, something miraculous would happen and I would be LIVING THE LIFE...maybe I was, maybe I still am, who knows. Point of the story is, for a short time I felt necessary, I felt like I was contributing to a cause much more than who I am. And don't get me wrong, I think there is a need and a place for these actions to occur, because without these things, Value Village, Sal Army, Amity would not exist to help those in need. However, we cannot, we absolutely CANNOT leave it there.
Jean Vanier, one of the founders of L'Arche Community for Disabled People, wrote a book entitled "Finding Peace" where he writes:
" Soon after founding L'Arche, a woman came to see me. She had some clothes and worn out shoes that she wanted to give to the men we had welcomed. Her intention was surely kind, but I felt her vision was patronizingly distorted-- as if she were offering garbage to people who are garbage. Why do we want to give away things that we ourselves do not value?" (2003; 16-7).

This is the question I began to ask myself. Why are we so quick to give up the stuff that has no value to us anymore? and What is that saying to the people who are receiving it?
More than this, becomes the question of genuine relationship. When we truly seek to value and give worth to those around us, we step away from the bare minimum we can give, and instead desire to provide extravagance and abundance to the people we value and love. I don't mean material abundance necessarily. Let me make this personal, think for a second of your favourite person, be it someone you like romantically, a good friend, or a child. Think of the love you have for them, think of how much you value them. Now ask yourself, if this person needed a new jacket, would I give them the worn out arms, the broken zipper, jacket from 1984 that's been withering away in your closet? I'd like to think you're saying NO, I'd like to think that you'd want to get them a nice jacket, that will protect them from the cold, that may be in style, that has durable zippers and sustainable material to last them for at least a couple years. Am I right?
I guess the challenge here, is what does that love hold? It holds contact, relationship, interdependence, TIME. When we say we love someone, ideally, I'd like to think that means we will care about them through the thick and thin. I'm beginning to think that charity requires a willingness, while compassion demands willingness through suffering.
Sorry if this seems scattered.
More thoughts to come...