The Lake

Over the past few days I've had the on-off feeling of dissatisfaction or discontentment.
Which I hate.

I sometimes hate thinking about life in the future, because I feel an overwhelming sense of fear. Fear that I will just remain and nothing will come of my life. Fear that I will see all the options and take WAY too long to decide which best suits me. Fear that what I do have right now that provides me with comfort, safety and security will be ripped from me if I do even the slightest thing wrong.

Last Sunday, I was sad, frustrated, hurt, and just wanted to escape the world. I drove away from where I was. I didn't really know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there, but I just kept driving. I found myself at the lake...listening to none other than Bon Jovi. It was a song about brokenness. In the chorus, he sings, "It's okay to feel a little broken, everybody's broken, in this life..." As I listened, immediate tears sprung from my eyes and I felt like I wasn't in control of me anymore.

I started mummbling, and the one question, "WHY WHY WHY" kept coming off my lips.
A lot of time went by and as if to have my question answered, I looked out over the lake. I saw the water moving, but it was never certain what direction it was going in. I realized that's kind of like me. I keep moving, but I have no guaranteed direction. I also realized that I don't necessarily need to.
I can't tell you how much peace this brought me. I came to the realization, that I just need to keep moving. I need to keep being. I need to keep running, walking, even crawling if I have to. In the end, the water will accomplish it's purpose. And in the end I will accomplish mine...

That's it for now. Just to let you know...these feelings of discontent do not stem from relationships or people surrounding me. I'm just thankful that like the masses and masses of water, there are masses and masses of people all moving in different directions and accomplishing their purposes in life.