Soft Words

I've never understood the impact and depth of hearing and saying the words "I love you".
These last few weeks, I've definitely entered the winter blues. I feel a lot more sensitive, irrational, and dumb sometimes...and I often allow myself to enter saddness, frustration, and depression far more than I ever should. Having said all that, I've also learned a lot. In these moments of what seems like sheer despair (recognizing that my despair looks and is entirely different than someone elses), I've been able to put my finger on what makes me feel most comforted, happy, accepted and full of life -hearing the words, I love you (or seeing them). The people that are plagued with my irrational behaviour are the people that know me best, that I know best, and that spend the most amount of time with me...I'm sure you can take a guess at who those people are. Sometimes - that's a lie, OFTEN times- I wonder why someone would choose to be with me, or even choose to be my friend during these times. To me, it is much easier to walk away, to escape. But instead, you choose to look at me, to hug me, to send me a little message, and tell me that I'm loved. In a world that is soooo full of despair, of hurt, pain, frustration, saddness, those words, those three little words, provide hope.
It has been because of that experience - the experience of you saying and meaning those three simple words to me that have left me with hope, hope in myself, hope in you, and hope in humanity.
The other day (this happens more often than just this one example) I was holding one of my favourite babies. This baby's smile could light up your life. Sometimes I look at them as they fall asleep in my arms, and wonder where they will be in 10, 15, 20 years. Sometimes, the projection of their future scares me...mostly because I wonder if they will ever know and feel unconditional, or even conditional, human love. During my first few weeks, I started to pray for them, pray for their futures, for their dreams, hopes, even for their failures. This day, that I was holding of my favs, I felt that prayer just wasn't enough (I know, I know...sometimes it's all you can do...but sometimes, it just isn't), I thought to myself, about the times that I feel most safe and secure. I realized it was the times that I am hugged tightly, held securely, and hear the words whispered to me, "I love you". So, as I looked down on this baby, this innocent child who really should never have to face any type of adversity, but most likely will face the most, I hugged him tightly, I bowed my face close to his head so that my words could be gentle, and I whispered, "I love you".

I realize that babies don't usually have memories of the first few years of life. I realize that my words may just be lost in the air. But maybe, maybe, maybe, when he/she goes up, they will remember, if only to have faint memories of being safe, or of hearing that someone, somewhere loves them... that that will be enough.

So thank you. For loving me despite, or because of, my flaws. Thank you for holding me tightly and gently whispering the words I love you to me. Thank you for making it easier for me to find hope, to give hope, and to whisper those words into other ears that need to hear it and believe it. Maybe these three words will have some profound impact on the lives of future generations....I know it already has profoundly impacted me.

As cheesy at it might be, sit back, sit way back in your chair, take a deep breath, and hear the words whispered to you softly, I love you...and get used to it, because those three words, three words of comfort, acceptance, even sorrow and pain, I believe provide, at minimum, a glimpse of hope.