UGH--who invented relationships?

Today, I came into work and just felt the need to type away my thoughts.
I don't know where this is going to go, maybe no where, so I'm sorry if I waste your time.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships and why they can be so tough.
Tough, yet beautiful.
In talking to a good friend last night, who's been hurting from a break up, I recalled the hurt that I have felt and still feel in a relationship that I had last year.
He said something last night that hit me, and it is so simple. He said I am scared of her and of a friendship because I don't trust her, and I don't trust her because she hurt me.
I don't know why, but it became reality to me, that that is why I have such a hard time trusting people once they have hurt me. And further, a potential reason for why I fear being close to people.
As our conversation went on, I felt the need to validate him and allow him to know that healing is an individual process that has no markers of how successful the process is. I went out for lunch one day with another friend, and discussed my hurt feelings with my old church. He said to me, "Time heals all wounds". During that time, I didn't believe it. To an extent I don't think any of us really would during the time of heartache, hurt and regret, but looking back I have seen that time really does, at the very least, help in healing.
Our hearts are soooooooooooo strange.
and it becomes all the more difficult because no one has the same heart.
maybe that is beauty.
but then what is the definition of beauty?
If beauty can be a product of hurt and pain, then isn't beauty really ugly?
Isn't beauty really messy?
We always say that there is beauty in the brokenness. But brokenness is a state of pain, suffering, and hurt, and how is that beauty?
I guess my own answer to that is that it's a beauty that is out of this world.
Kind of like an alien type of beauty.
A beauty not able to be defined by anything on this earth. But a beauty that must be experienced.
A beauty we must BE, and not try to attain.
I am probably sounding like an existentialist, to an extent I think I probably.
I guess I'm just beginning to understand that beauty cannot (and should not) be defined by beauty of this world. Maybe we need a new word for it, or maybe I just need to stop putting connotations to the already existing word.
Point is, relationships are MESSED.
I'm soooo sick of trying to figure them out.
So I think for right now, I'll just be me.