Intimate

It has been awhile since I've typed out my thoughts on here.
It's crazy how fast life can go.
It's currently October 1st, and I have yet to find a job.
Scary thought, one that I've thought about, worried over and have currently decided to let go of...a job will come when it's time.

A lot has been on my mind since I've last wrote on here. While, I wish I had the time/typing skills to spill everything, there is one thing that made me realize I wanted to blog again.

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of intimacy. I know that when a lot of people see that word, they think of being in a relationship, marriage, or sex. But really it has far deeper meaning than given credit.
I particularly thought of it yesterday. I was sitting with one my girls, Rachel, and she asked me if I liked attending "The Attic" (a night of extended singing). I told her that I liked it because everyone was there, not because I feel singing is my main, or even a substantial, part of my worship to God. She asked me, how do you feel closest to God. I didn't know how to respond. I've never been one of those people that sees God as an emotion...while I know that to some people He is, and I'm not taking away anything from that or trying to de-romanticize the idea of that. What I am in the process of thinking though, is how do I know that God is there? It became frustrating to me last night, because singing seems like such an easy way to "connect" with God. For so many people, that's their emotional tie to God. As hard as I can try, it never works the same for me...and I'm beginning to see, that it never should.
Last night, I spent the majority of my time at the back dancing with two little (and beautiful) girls. The littlest one would always ask me to spin her around. At one point, I remember looking down at her face as I was spinning, and I knew God had given me that moment to be present. He gave me that moment of intimacy, the feeling of a familiar association with him. To watch her face light up, to see her smile turn into a full out giggle, to see her cute blonde curls blowing in the wind that was created by me spinning her. That was my intimate moment.
On the car ride home, I thought about some other intimate times.
Friday night, I shared a meal with 3 really important women in my life, Tali, Deb and Lauren. They came over and we sat around my dining room table and discussed, at length, women's issues and many theories and ideologies of oppression. To care about the deep details of the passion of my beating heart, that was intimate.
Last week, I had all my closest friends over, we also shared a meal. I remember sitting at the top of the table, and couldn't stop smiling, mostly because I was surrounded by people who KNOW me. People who have been united with me and will hopefully remain that way for a longgg time to come.
I also think about when I'm being hugged by someone that knows me the best. Someone that has seen me at my worst and my best. Someone that knows when I'm tired, I get uncensored and cynical, and loves it. Someone that doesn't need to speak or have me speak, but just likes to embrace and know me.
Intimacy is such a unique and special characterization for relationships.
I've decided that sometimes, most times for me, some of the most vivid and important times of worship, come at the most unexpected times. What I'm beginning to see, is that without people, without community, without being known, there can never be intimate times of worship. God has so beautifully designed us to be together so that we can experience Him in human form, we can experience His joy, His love, His grace, His presence through the people around us.
I've heard the phrase, "Come and See" a lot recently.
I think that's the design of our hearts, to come and see God as he designed us and others to be. And to see how being intimate can cause us to be fully present with each other...and I think that's incredible.